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Evac Center

my High School LOVE STORY (Part 2)

…CONTINUATION to My High School Love Story (Part 1)

            “YEEESSS”, that was the first word that came out in my mouth after hearing the answer of her to my question.  I felt at that time that she was my girlfriend already but not really, (lol).  She actually only permitted me to court her but I felt amazingly different.  It was a feeling of a young heart being in-loved for the first time. After that episode, everything somehow changed in an instant.  I was already in constant moved to make her feel that I was really into her, that I was deadly serious about my feelings towards her. Aside from that, my family noticed something different from me.  They noticed something weird from me.  I started to work and do things I didn’t usually do.  Example, I started to do house cleaning like scrubbing and sweeping the entire floor of our house, arranging my bed, washed the dishes, and no more complains if I asked to do something by my parents, etc.  Those were the things I was not used to do but I did because of the influence of a very unique and very addictive drug called LOVE.

            “Love is in the air”, that was the feeling dwell within me.  The feeling was somehow unfathomable.  At that moment of my life, I wished time would stop just to savor the moment I had.  It seemed I was exaggerating the feeling but that was really the feeling I had at that moment.  I hate to admit to myself that I became crazy in-love with the feeling I had. 

            Two months passed already but still the status was still the same.  I honestly became impatient with myself and with her.  I felt something different.  I was thinking that there was a need to level up.  I mean, I wanted to somehow upgrade our relationship.  I wanted to make her officially my girlfriend. And for that reason, I initiated a date.  I stored strength within me to have the courage to finally confront her and convinced her that all me effort were already enough to finally settle our relationship.  I took her to a place which we could talk seriously about the matter I was about to brought up.  I was not able to tell her because I was afraid that my expectation would not meet.  Though, I was 99 percent sure that she would say “yes” but I felt it was not yet enough.  There was still 1 percent that she would say “no”, a word that no one wanted to hear from their loved one.  The moment came.  I was trembling with fear and excitement.  When I was about to say something to her, I noticed in her eyes – it was sadness.  I couldn’t explain the feeling disturbing within me.  My heart pounded so fast and my body felt numb.  But, I was still able to ask her…

”Le, more than 2 months da sa ako yanguyab kanmo, di ba?...(pause)  Tapos, laong mo pa…(pause)... sa tanan yanguyab kanmo…(pause)… ako ang aroy badihay nga pag-asa…so unan da sa?...unan da status ko kanmo doun?...

(Le, I’ve courted you for more than two months, then you said that among the suitors who courted you, I am the one who has the biggest chance.  So, what is now my status to you?)

            She was not able to say something directly.  The expression of sadness on her face was still the same.  And I think, based on her facial expression, she became more sad hearing the questions I had asked her.  Because of that, I became more nervous of the answer that she might say.  I could also feel the uneasiness she felt based on the body gestures she showed to me.  Then, after a few minutes of silence, she spoke with a low and sad voice. 

“I’m very sorry Jay, dili pa sa ako ready doun.  Na-appreciate ko gayud ang affort mo pero unhon sa nako nga nakapromise sa ako sako parents nga dili sa gayud ako masuhod ng ana nga relationship kay high school pa sa gud ako.  Tugutan lang ko nila mag-uyab2x pag-college dako.  Sorry gayud Jay.  Unta amigo lang gihapon kita” SORRY” 

(I’m very sorry Jay, I am not yet ready now.  I really appreciate your effort but I have no choice because I made a promise to my parents that I will not enter into such relationship because I’m still in high school.  They would allow me to have that relationship when I’m already in college.  I’m really sorry.  I hope we can still be friends.)

            Those words were the most painful words I heard in my entire life.  That was my feeling at that moment.  Good thing, I was standing in a little bit dark part of that place and she was not able to notice my teary eyes (I think).  I was not able to say a single word. I didn’t really know what to say.  I bit my lower lips a little bit just to control the falling of my tears but I was not able to control it.  I hurriedly turned my back for her not to see me crying.  Then, I walked away from her with tears hardly falling in my eyes.  She called me but I didn’t hear any words from her.  I was temporarily deaf at that moment not to hear any sound from anything or someone.  I was badly hurt by those words.  I wished at that moment that it was only a nightmare and I wanted to wake up.  But, it wasn’t.  I couldn’t bare the pain.  

...TO BE CONTINUED...

                              

John 11: 1-44

I am Lazarus. I need to come out from my tomb. 

I must leave whatever is dead or binding for my Spirit.

Jesus, You call me daily to greater Spiritual freedom.

As Your disciple, may I grow in my ability to have a discerning heart.

May I, too, be unbound and "set free"

The Rising of Lazarus

PRAYER:

Jesus, You call to my heart once more: "Leave anything that holds you back from deeper love.  Come follow me, again and again."  Grant me the courage to leave behind whatever keeps me from You and to trust You with my life.  May my heart's connection with you be so strong and true that I will daily risk the road of following in your footsteps.  Keep me open to the adventure of life where I meet You day by day.  Remind me often of my inner goodness.  Help me to believe that You can look upon me with love.

Thank You for the call to be your disciple.

Amen...

(Source: Emmaus Center Foundation, Inc.)

...

SAGE MODE

my High School LOVE STORY (Part 1)

            Leah was my classmates in High School.  I barely noticed her when we were in 1^st Year and 2^nd Year because in our class there were a lot of beautiful girls (ehem…hehehe).  She was also beautiful and a member of gymnastics when we were in 1^st year.  Our friendship started when we were in 3^rd Year High School.  That was the time that I noticed her outside and inside beauty.  I was supposed to court her but I hesitated because I was afraid to be rejected at that time.  And also, there were other guys who also courted her.  I was not able to make a move at that time because I didn’t want her to think that I only befriended her to take advantage our closeness.  We were happy and became close to each other.  I realized that I befriended her not for the sake of getting her trust directly and take advantage of her but because she was very friendly and sweet.  You can’t resist her smile. I think that was one factor that I easily fell in love with her, because of her smile and very shinny hair (lol).  Those were my weaknesses.  Plus, she was so “malambing” to her friends and even to me.      

            Time passed by and I couldn’t hold my feelings to her anymore.  I told myself that I should express to her my feelings.  I had to do it or else I would go crazy at that time.  I had to do it or else she would be taken by other guys who courted her.  So, one day, after our class, I talked to her.  At first, we were chatting about what happened in our class.  Then suddenly, she noticed that I was quiet.  I myself even noticed that one. I was also trembling.  I couldn’t control it.  I was sweating and I think she noticed that one.  That’s why she asked me “yauno kaw sa?” (Kamayo Dialect: “What happen to you?)  I couldn’t answer directly her question.  I just made some excuses for her not to notice that there is something wrong with me.  Because of that, I failed to confess my true feelings to her.  I was very disappointed with myself.  I wasn’t expecting that it would be very difficult for me to do it.  I didn’t know why. 

            Again, time passed by, I was still not able to express my feelings.  Then, one day, after our class, I asked her again to accompany her.  This time, I felt courageously enough to confess my hidden but obvious feelings to her.  Again, I was trembling but I tried to control it.  I tried to say something but nothing came out in my mouth.  Actually, what happened next was that she was the one who pushed me indirectly to say what I was about to say.  She tapped my shoulder and said, “kunay aron gusto mo isulti kanak” (I think you have something to say to me).  Then, with closed eyes and trembling  body, I was able to say “Le, a…a…a…ron…gusto nko i…isulti kan…mo…(a moment of silence)…I…LIKE…YOU…(I have something to say to you, I Like you)…Then again, a moment of silence resided in us.  Then, I looked at her face with fear. But I noticed something different in her.  She smiled at me.  I didn’t know what she meant about that smile.  I was really confused at that time.  I was waiting for her answer with fear and confusion.  My heart was pounding so fast that I had difficulty breathing. 

Then, she spoke and said “Lang-an pko lage, heheh…aron gusto mo kanak..heheh…halata gayud kadayaw,hehehe….(I knew it, you like me, its very obvious).  

She laughed at me.  I didn’t know how to react with what she said and what she was acting at that time. 

Then, she said, “ok ra nah…yalipay ako sa gisulti mo kanak” (that’s ok, I am happy with what you said).

I hurriedly asked her, “unan pasabot mo sian Le?” (What do you mean by that Le?).  She replied, “wara, hehehe…so, unan da sa plano mo dayun? (Nothing, so, what’s now your plan? 

I was not able to say directly because I was shocked with her question.  Then, I told her, “pwedi ba…. ako…… manguyab kanmo? (Can I court you?)

She answered directly without hesitation “ok ra man, way problema kanak” (it’s OK, there’s no problem with me).

...TO BE CONTINUED...

Personal Encounter with My Deepest Yearnings in G.Y.

            My deepest yearnings that evoked in my inmost being as I listened to the sharing and testimonies of the past GY’ers are the following.

            1^st is Commitment.  I want to be fully committed to the formation in G.Y.  I don’t want to waste again my time here in the seminary.  I want to take this once in a lifetime opportunity.  This time, I will embrace this formation not only for my own benefit but also for the Church.  I want to form myself not only to become a good person for myself but a better priest in the future for the Church.  So, in order to achieve that goal, I have to fully commit myself to the formation.

What's my Deepest Yearning???

            2^nd one is Openness.  I had a traumatic experience with regard to being opened.  I was in college when I opened myself to them by they used it to make fun of me.  After that I never opened myself again.  But I started to slowly open up myself when I started in Vianney.  This time, since I’m already in G.Y, I want to fully open myself not only to myself and to other people but also open to many possibilities that will happen in my life here in G.Y.  I’m doing this because I want to unload everything, good and bad things that happened in my life.  Openness is a vital aspect for me to be fully commit myself to the formation and respond to God’s call faithfully.

            3^rd one is Humility and Patience.  I need to be humble enough to accept that I need other people e.g. the Formators, batchmate, etc to achieve my goal esp. that I need God’s presence in my life here in G.Y.  On the other hand, I need to be patient with myself because self-improvement doesn’t happen for a day or a week.  It takes time so I need to be patient to the slow process of self-improvement and self-response to the formation.  And most of all, I have to be patient with God as He slowly unveils Himself in my day-to-day experiences.